In a world filled with countless demands on our time and attention, it's easy to overlook the importance of nurturing our friendships.
However, I've come to realize that prioritizing these connections is not only essential for our well-being but can also lead to profound personal growth and healing.
“The pinnacle of friendship is to tell each other the real truth, the hard truth, the truth that you gain nothing from and have everything to lose. That is true vulnerability. That is truly giving the other person control.”
Brent Beshore The Knowledge Project Podcast Ep #196
For at least the past two years, my best friend and I have had a standing 1-hour call every Monday.
What started out as a way to check in on our shared investments, opportunities we were reviewing and to talk generally about the general investing environment evolved into something so much more abundant. As our conversations deepened, we began to uncover the true power of our weekly connection.
The bedrock of this time together is our unwavering commitment to making this call happen every week without fail.
Even during public holidays or summer vacations, we ensure to lock in a time as soon as possible after the nearest Monday, maintaining our commitment to this special time.
Having this on our calendars and our shared commitment was the first step on what has turned out to be an incredible journey so far.
We chose Monday’s so that we can secure the time before the busy-ness of the week really kicks in and increases the pressure to de-prioritize or reschedule. We like Mondays because it means we know we get to kick the week off with our time to connect.
Though I don't remember a seminal moment or an obvious turning point in the content or the depth of how we connected, where these conversations (can) go these days is a universe apart from where they started. Gradually, without even realizing it, our calls became a sacred space for personal growth and reflection.
Through our mutual trust and over 20 years of shared experiences - crushing losses, unexpected wins and various heart-aches and tragedies - our creation and our defense of our friendship sanctuary at the start of every week provides a safe, honest, vulnerable and ultimately soul-nourishing place for us to share. For us to co-coach each other. It's through these moments of shared vulnerability that our friendship has truly flourished.
We don't have a set-agenda for these calls, nor do we have any expectations of each other, other than to show up on time and be open to talking every week. What makes these conversations so impactful is the level of trust and understanding we've built over time.
What we talk about varies greatly - sometimes and most often, to open things up - we talk about our respective weekends. The activities, the dinners, the odd jobs or the travel.
But its from these stepping off points that so often we dive deeper. Into disagreements we have had with our partners, concerns we have about our kids, opportunities we have heard about that excite us or concern us, fantastic dinners, great sex or mini-moments filled with awe.
As we continue to navigate life's challenges and triumphs, our weekly check-ins have become an anchor of stability and support. Through these open and honest conversations, we have respectively come to learn over time how to listen deeply, how to ask open-ended questions and to check in with how the other person is feeling about certain topics - sometimes the topics in discussion and sometimes larger, overarching themes.
We set aside an hour for these calls. Sometimes they last 45 minutes, others run crazy long and we are scrambling to our next commitment.
As much as our flexibility allows in a given week, we accommodate and respect what each other needs in the moment. So often one of us can sense that the other has something they need to share - but rarely do we try to force it.
I can remember numerous times where I have felt like I am standing on a precipice as I mentally gear-up to say something new and risky. To open up another weakness in my armor. In opening up to each other, we've discovered that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a pathway to greater resilience and personal growth.
But never have I regretted opening up in this way and so often I question after the fact, why I haven't shared it sooner.
The point is friendship matters. It matters so much more than a lot of people make time for. It’s the first thing to get put on the back burner when the shit hits the fan or when life is overwhelming.
Yet it's the very thing that can support us to survive and thrive in these moments and in growing through and beyond them.
Through the ups and downs of our lives, this unwavering connection has been a constant source of strength and inspiration. We have 5 kids between us, we are active in our communities, in supporting our wives in their stellar careers and in supporting and continuing the investing activities that were the genesis of this time together.
Our shared experiences have taught us the value of offering each other both comfort and constructive guidance. These chats help us both to be present with our feelings, with our vulnerabilities. They help us air our ideas, share our concerns and reveal our fears in a totally safe, supportive and judgment-free space. EVERY. WEEK.
Like so many aspects of life, I think that these are skills (or muscles) that need to be nurtured, trained and maintained. Active Listening. Connecting. Vulnerability.
As I reflect on the evolution of our friendship, I can't help but marvel at the power of consistent, heartfelt communication. The commitment to our consistency binds us together and the trust we nurture every week is the mortar that holds us secure and ever growing a truly great friendship.
Like so many aspects of life, friendships require effort and intentionality. Invest the time, nurture the connection, and reap the rewards.
Remember, strong friendships are not a luxury, they're a necessity. They are the wind beneath our wings, propelling us towards a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
My challenge to you: Pick up the phone, call a friend, and see where the conversation takes you.
